Why?

Over the past several months, I have made some tough decisions as we packed up to leave California, but I was comfortable with those decisions. After all “things are just things”. I even shared this sentiment with all of you in my post Learning to live without things. I knew that God was guiding me as I made decisions on what to keep and what to toss; and I had then, and still do now, perfect peace over those decisions.

I’ll readily admit that some things were easier to leave behind than others, and I’m sure I stored things I should have dumped—and probably dumped things I should have stored—but I tried to keep my focus on the new life that was ahead for us.

So what happened on Monday, October 17th?

It was time to go get the trailer for our trip and I realized that at least 1/3 of what we had saved to bring with us was not going to fit in the trailer and/or car trunk. How did I react? I became discouraged and angry. Angry with myself for not letting the movers take these things. Discouraged because I was tired, out of time and options and worse ... discouraged because I felt that God had let me down.

My mind raced with ideas and concerns. What would we leave behind? How could we decide at this point? It would mean opening boxes and repacking—something I felt we didn’t have time to do. I also couldn’t understand why God was allowing this to happen. Hadn’t I trusted Him to guide my selections? Hadn’t He opened all the doors during our move, so why close this one? Why? Why? Why?

My attitude didn’t improve when we found out that the local U-Haul dealer’s promises were nothing more than hot air, and the sports trailer wasn’t available. I stood in the kitchen with my stomach in knots while they tried to find the trailer.

I had a major moment of selfish greed when I remembered that the U-Haul folks had promised to either have the sports trailer or one of the smallest box trailers for us. I was greedily thinking this was good because all our stuff would fit in the smallest box trailer. When the guy came back on the phone and told me he hadn’t found the sports trailer, I reminded him of their promise and he said he would check and call me back.

After several more phone calls that became more urgent by the minute, and with my stomach in total knots, I was reaching the panic stage. There wasn’t a small trailer within 100 miles of us, and they had not found the sports trailer.

I stood in the kitchen and asked God why? Why couldn’t they find a trailer for us to use? What if they found one, but it wasn’t available until late Monday night? How would we even begin to pack/re-pack in that short of time? What if we had to delay our leaving—what would the buyer think? Time was our enemy at this point—and so was my heart’s attitude.

Why? Why? Why?

I finally stopped, laid my head on the counter and cried, and that was when I realized why. My heart’s attitude was all wrong. I was holding onto things, and trusting in men—when I should have been trusting in God and holding on to Him. I told God how sorry I was and asked Him to change my heart.

At that moment, I had perfect peace that it would all work out. The phone rang, U-Haul had found the sports trailer just 30 miles up the road. They transferred me to the Davis office, I gave her my info, and we drove up to get the trailer.

We spent the next several hours re-packing several boxes, and made some really tough decisions, but we knew that God was in control and it was all for the best. In the morning, we packed the car with our luggage, the cats and us ... and headed out.

Our trip was smooth and worry and trouble free. The sports trailer was a joy to haul (absolutely perfect size for our small car), and we arrived here in Waldport safe and sound. Tired, but happy, we stopped for a few groceries, got the keys to the house and pulled in the drive. We unpacked the cats, had some supper and unloaded the trunk—in the rain. Our first Oregonian rain. Perfect, absolutely perfect. :)

Even more perfect was the way God changed my heart. Many years ago He changed my heart and showed me His perfect plan of salvation.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen—Ephesians 3:20,21

My fervent prayer is that God will continue to work on my heart, and that your heart will know His perfect plan for your life.